Making Mistakes... and attending to them

Dear _______,

I have been thinking of you lately. We no longer see each other, but you are definitely a part of my memory experiences. I want to take a minute to apologize to you. I want to apologize for any pain or suffering I caused or contributed to. I apologize if what I said or did has made it difficult to have a trusting relationship with church leadership, or other women. What did I do? I was inexperienced and afraid, and I said things I regret, and I didn't do things and say things I should have, which I also regret.

I see now, as I did then, that you were in a very vulnerable state and that you needed help. We all need help sometimes. I also saw that your husband was not able to handle the situation. I did not go into your home with the intention of doing harm, nor did I want to hurt anyone. I truly wanted to help. However, what I wish I had done is put my arm around you and told you how wonderful you are, how much Heavenly Father loves you and that things would be ok. I wish I had brought you dinner and sat down with you and your good husband and talked about things together. Unfortunately, that is not what I did. Instead I feel like I was a catalyst for change, but not without hurting you.

Women, especially women in your circumstances back then, tend to be the one that is focused on, for good and bad. I think we (those who want to help) know that men are much more fragile, and so we pile the attention on the woman. Unfortunately, I think if there is blame projected, the woman also gets the brunt of that whether it is said or not. I can imagine that she blames herself, and since she is the one people are saying these things to, she might think that she is the problem. It's not that way. She is just the more approachable, the one who will not lash out if confronted and she will accept help more readily. She is really the strong one when it comes to dealing with problems. Men can endure hardship, they are able to turn off emotions and keep working, but in facing truth and dealing with it to resolve it, they are often more fragile.

My point in all this is that I made mistakes, and you turned it around and made your life again. Your good husband responded to the catalyst and you worked together and turned things around. I have many regrets about my own part, but your part is one of success! In my inexperience, and maybe a little cowardice (?) I talked to you, but I didn't comfort or bless you, or invite your husband to share the load. I wanted to, but for many reasons I didn't.  I'm sorry. Please forgive me?

I have always had great respect and admiration for you and ______; I still do. Having been through depression, I know it is something that is never gone, or at least the possibility of relapse is never gone, but we survive. We even thrive. You are proof of that, even when you feel you lack or fall down for a while. You are a loving mother and wife. I have seen you bear up under severe and  heavy burdens. I have seen you get up and recover after being knocked down. You are a survivor, and a beautiful woman. May we all find what we need to move forward as we surrender to our circumstances in Christ.