Raising the "right" hand

If you are not a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, you may not understand this post. However, I think it applies to human nature in general, so maybe there's a little something for everyone.

Two years ago I decided that I would no longer raise my hand to "sustain" people in the callings they were given, or to thank them for the service they rendered, or to welcome them into our ward. This doesn't mean that I don't support them, appreciate them or welcome them into our ward -- I'm just not going to raise my hand like that. I also usually don't raise my hand to signify I "sustain" church leaders. This decision was the result of a process, and that process began more than two years ago.

When I held a calling in ward leadership, over time it was made clear to me that much of what goes on there (in leadership) is just the best that people have to offer; but it was not always the only way things could have been done and that it is fraught with problems that plague us all as human beings. Church leaders are not infallible.

There is also a fair amount of unconscious manipulation that attends those efforts. It is now my belief that anyone that has managed people and tried to get anything done uses manipulation on some level. It's a common part of our existence, but not everyone has the same motives. I'm not saying manipulation is ever the best way, but sometimes given the circumstances and the differences in our lives and personalities, it is the best that we can do. We are all being influenced, consciously or unconsciously, by someone or something every minute of our lives. We all do it, but motives are widely varied. I feel the current system of "sustaining" encourages in me an unhealthy complacency and to participate in it at this point would be just to pacify others. Sometimes I need to do things because others need it, but not in this case or at least not at this time.

It was also made clear to me that callings were given mostly based on who was available and the personal beliefs of the bishopric, often unconsciously held, of what the purpose of work in the Church was supposed to be. I think most members would say that, of course, the work of the church is to further the kingdom of God. However, many times we (myself included of course) think this work is something that we want to see happen - my will, not God's will. One person might unconsciously believe that the work of the church is to create a smoothly running organization that never steps out of their concept of propriety. Another might unconsciously think it is an organization that is supposed to make them look good as a person or a leader. I realized that I thought some of those things, but more compelling was my belief that the Church was supposed to further my views on social equality and justice as well as solve all the problems that plague human relationships. What a blow to my ego! All these years I had thought I was serving out of sincere devotion to God's will, but in reality I was serving to further my own causes. Not that my "causes" were wrong, but the intent when it came to serving in the church was flawed. I realized that when Christ was on the earth there were no major rules about how a meeting was held, or white shirts must be worn or all the other trappings we create to further our goals. Christ went about teaching faith in God, obedience to God, repentance and baptism. He helped individuals that came into his path, but he did not create a socially just nation, nor eliminate greed, corruption, abuse and the like.  What were his "rules?" Keep the commandments, love God, love others, pray and do so to the Father in Jesus' name. Share the good news that He had overcome all, and that we can return to our loving Father as whole beings. So, I chose not to raise my hand to sustain callings anymore because I could never be sure of what that person was sustaining in their own heart.

In the past, as the result of a mixture of sincere devotion to the Lord, ambition to be the "best" at this devotion (ambition to be the "best" at something, anything), and ignorance (plus I have a nature that just wants to help others), I have abdicated my personal freedom to choose. I just gave it away.  I have thought or said things like, "Whatever the Lord wants," or I thought that everything that I was asked to do in the church was perfect revelation of the Lord's will. I thought that if I did everything I was asked to do, then others would make sure I was not hurt. I would be changed into more than I was and that I would somehow be able to do all things I thought I should be doing-- did you notice the "I" in all that? I eventually came to a very serious emotional and spiritual point of breaking. I found myself blaming others for it, but in God's kindness and true love, He showed me that I had chosen it. I wanted to blame all my feelings and problems on the church members or the bishop, but it was not so. Others may have been unwise, or thoughtless, or selfish in some way, but I had chosen my fate. I am so grateful that God is so merciful! Choosing something doesn't mean I am doomed to destruction however; as I turned to God for more answers and help, he has healed me. It has not been easy, or painless. What continues to endure however is a strong desire to never again choose ignorance and to never again blame anyone for my choices. So, I don't raise my hand. It is my way of keeping things even and myself on the same level as someone in a position of leadership, and it is my way of keeping the idea of choice in a healthy and prominent place in my consciousness. I view it as a protection for others, and for myself. I choose to call the current bishop by his first name for this very reason, and I use that for everyone. I will call the stake presidency members, "brother" as well as an apostle, since we do not have a first-name relationship. I want to protect them from having to endure the tantrums of the entitled being that dwells within me when I don't get what I want. Heaven knows they already have enough to deal with. I must also protect myself from my own tendencies and weaknesses.

So, whenever the "sustaining" goes on I do my best to smile my kindest and brightest and sincerest smile and I leave my hand down, hoping that somehow the Spirit will be able to convey to others my sincere appreciation and concern for them. I tell people as often as I can I am grateful for their service, and I do my best to serve and work. God is ok with that -- I know He is, for I am doing my best and making the best choices I can. If I am wrong, at least I am now acknowledging that the wrong was my choice, and that is a step in the right direction.